RUB MY BREAST
t took us over 300 hours of grilling and smoking to find the perfect balance of rosemary, basil, and garlic. The threeway spice party offers a sweet, sharp, and woodsy flavor that sings on the palate like The Three Tenors. We can never remember their names, ugh! But the Kona Coffee harmonizes with the earthy notes of the herbs and adds a slight crunch. It's a symphony of succulent satisfaction! So don't worry if you can't read music or play an instrument, neither can we. But one thing everyone can do is Rub My Breasts!!!
 
RUB MY HEINY
Rub My Heiny’s cocoa powder showcases a hint of bitterness like an overworked and underpaid employee. But is offset with the sweetness of brown sugar like the sun kissing the skin of scantily clad surfer. The natural acidity from our Kona Coffee balances both elements and ties it together in holy matrimony. We spent countless hours perfecting the ratio of cayenne and paprika that gave way to balanced heat and smokiness. We consider this to be our flagship product as it has 11 different spices working together like the gears in our fake Rolex we bought in the park. Note: quality products are sold here, not on park benches.
 
RUB MY MEAT
Rub My Meat’s claim to fame starts with our ginger and mustard base. This sweet and savory flavor is distinct and grabs your attention like HR walking by your computer with NSFW content on your computer. Our Kona Coffee adds a slight acidic component just enough to bring it all together like your last company Christmas party. Unfortunately, Richard from sales spiked the punch with the sweet nectar of the Gods and won’t be at this years party. But this is your party, be like Richard, spike the punch and bring out the juiciness in that meat. Everyone will be begging you to Rub My Meat!!!